While watching Gretchen make her liver weep in pain on The Real Housewives of Orange County last night, I just fucking knew that Bravo was going to pull some shit and throw a “To be continued…” up there when it started to get scandalous. That’s exactly what they did. AHHHH! The used of TBC should be banned from TV. I want that shit now.
Let me explain the events leading up to the clip above for those of you who were too busy doing hood rat stuff last night. Tamra tried to throw some fancy dinner party but it turned into the “Watch Gretchen Act Like A Drunk Slut Show.” And it was all that hot bitch (I can’t help but not love her) Tamra’s fault. Earlier in the night she told Vicki that they should try to get Gretchen as fucked up as possible so that she can act the fool. That’s right. Friends help friends get as tanked as humanly possible. That’s what I say too. But honestly, Tamra might as well have dropped some GBH in the bitch’s drink.
On the other hand, those tequila shots weren’t magically jumping into Gretchen’s mouth. Although, I swear a tequila shot or two actually jumped into my mouth. I swear. This is not what happened to Gretchen. I think she sort of knew where things were going to go. There comes a time when you’re getting wasted that you arrive at a fork in the road. You can either a) go barf and drink a Gatorade. Or b) keep going until you blackout and can’t be responsible for your actions. Gretchen chose b.
Because Gretchen was obliterated, she started majorly flirting with Tamra’s rapey-faced son, Ryan, while her dying sugar pepaw was at home (he passed away since this episode was filmed). Ryan seems like he’s fucking skilled at taking advantage of whores when they’re riding the drunk train. The episode ended with Ryan and Gretchen in the bathroom about to maybe get it on over the toilet. I’m hoping that all that booze mixing (tequila, wine, etc…) just made Gretchen barf all over Ryan’s “nugget” inner lip tattoo.
Gretchen disappoints me. This is not how a gold digger behaves herself. You don’t fuck with hot pieces when you don’t legally have the gold yet. And if you’re going to be fucking stupid and get with a bitch, at least make it a hot one. Gretchen should be all over Jeana’s son Shane, not that nasty ass Ryan. He looks like he has permanent coke breath. Wretched. And I bet the dick is always semi-soft and skinny like a breadstick. A soggy breadstick is not worth it.
P.S. – I have filed the cuddle threesome between Gretchen, Ryan and his mom under “You So Nasty.”