Two amazing things happened last night during the Best Actress shit at the Golden Globes. The first was when a stoned ass Cameron Diaz fucked up Saint Angelina’s name. I almost felt a little “like” in my no-heart for Cameron. ALMOST. I would’ve liked her fully if she said “Brangelina Jolie” or “Anist…Angelina Jolie.”
The second amazing moment came when a blubbering Kate Winslet accepted her award for that movie about fighting in the suburbs while wearing old timey clothes. You know, I was wasted while watching this shit last night and now that I’m sober, her speech is a million times more annoying. Bitch is acting like she swam the Atlantic Ocean and then directly ran from New York to the Golden Globe stage. All breathless and shit. It’s a damn Shiny Titty Award. Not an Oscar! Take a hit from Cameron’s bong and mellow out. I wanted Marky Mark to turn the hose on her. Drama queen. However, I forgive her for all of that, because when she was calling out all the losers in her category, she said “Oh God! Who’s the other one? Angelina!” HAHAHAHA! This is why God created Kate Winslet. The camera shot to Saint Angie who smiled and held her hands together in a very Disney villainess-like way. She was thinking, “The things I have planned for you, my pretty…” Brangelina showing up to awards shows and getting snubbed every time never gets old! The world will pay for this I’m sure!
Here’s drama queen Kate Winslet (YAY!) and her husband last night. And also some pictures of Brad Pitt and “The Other One.” The Other One should keep her hair down more often. It makes her look less like an elderly and malnourished praying mantis. And my abuelita had some sunglasses just like Brad Pitt’s when she got her cataracts done, because she didn’t like the shades they gave her ass. Of course, my abuelita wore them better.