Blake Wants A Divorce!!!!!

Yes, I wrote Blake and not Blaaaaaaake. I have a feeling Wino is no longer screaming his name. That shit is fucking depressing. Is there such a thing as love if Wino isn’t shouting “Blaaaaaaake” like a damn cracked out rooster in need of a fix? I don’t think so. If you’re in love, break up with that bitch, because it’s not going to last. If Wino and Blaaaaaake can’t make it. None of us can!

Blake (it feels wrong typing that) has told his lawyer bitches (aka some back alley motherfuckers he’s paying in rocks) to begin working on the whole divorce process. The Daily Mail says Blake (this is hard) laid his glazed-over eyes on pictures of the Crackie of the Caribbean all up on that hot piece Josh Bowman in St. Lucia. Like I said before, Wino isn’t screeching for her husband. She told The News of the World that she’s off the bad shit and now her coochie is only craving Josh. Seriously, her clitty probably gets the shakes when he’s not around.

And Wino even said she’s forgotten she’s even married to Blake (really, really hard). She went on to kick him in the meth sores by saying he was shit in bed. She said, “Almost every time I slept with him it was like I was dead.” SPOILER ALERT, Wino! Technically I think you are dead. Your organs haven’t worked properly since ’06.

First Brit Brit cleans up her shit and is no longer entertaining us with her nightly tour of gas stations while flashing her creamed chitterlings. Now Wino has fallen out of love with crack AND Blake. AND it’s like 80 degrees in California during January. What is fucking going on in the world?! IT WASN’T NOT FUNNY! What the hell is next? Rojo Caliente is going to be photographed making out with Jeremy Piven. No. Let’s not even joke about that shit.

I can’t call him Blake. He will forever be Blaaaaake to me. I will scream his name, because somebody has to and I need to believe! I don’t like what fresh tropical air is doing for Wino. It’s sobering her up and making her think clearly. That’s not right!