Ever since I started wearing pants, my hand has been down them, because that shit is my favorite thing to do. It’s not even a “thing” anymore. It’s a way of life. My mom calls it the “Al Brady.” Yes, she means the “Al Bundy,” but she gets her TV hos mixed up. Seriously, I do it all the time. It’s not a sexual thing, you nasty bitch! It’s not like my finger is up my ass. Well, not usually. It’s just comforting keeping my hand right above my crotch area. Although, my slutty hand does travel a little too far south sometimes, but only to say “hey.”
And just like Mickey Rourke, I even do that shit in public. But I always do it without thinking. When I’m waiting to cross the street or something like that, sometimes my hand will just creep into my pants out of habit. Whoever I’m with will usually call me a nasty perv and tell me to never leave the house again, but it’s not like it’s obscene!
In fact, I’m glad Mickey Rourke did it at the Critics Choice Awards last night. It distracts from his chilaquiles face.