I Want Mah Kidney Back!

January 8, 2009 / Posted by:

When you break up with a bitch. Sometimes they want a sweater they left at your house. Or maybe a dildo they left in your ass. Whatever. Well, this dumb bitch right here wants his kidney back. The kidney he gave to his wife in 2001 because she was suffering from renal failure. Some bitches…

Dr. Richard Batista, a vascular surgeon from Long Island, is suing his estranged wife Dawnell Batista (totally hot name) for his kidney back or $1.5 million for the price of his organ. Unfortunately for Dr. GeniusBrains it’s pretty much impossible for her to give him back his kidney since it’s fucking illegal. His lawyer said, “Of course he wouldn’t really ask for that but the value of it.

Dr. DumbFuck and Dawnell were married in 1990. They have two kids together. He agreed to give her his kidney after two transplants quit on her. He claims that after the surgery worked, Dawnell (seriously, that’s a hot name) began doing sex to her therapist. HA! Fucking another dude with your husband’s kidney inside you. I love this heartless (but kidneyful) bitch!

Four years after the kidney transplant, Dawnell filed for divorce and asked for custody of their kids. That’s what triggered Dr. MoronFace to ask for his organ back. He claims he hasn’t seen much of his kids, because of her. He told reporters, “There’s no deeper pain you can ever express than to be betrayed by the person you devoted your life to. I saved her life. But the pain is unbearable.”

Yes, and the pain she will suffer from losing a kidney will be totally bearable. All she has to do is pop a Tylenol, put a warm compress on her back and walk it off.

If by some fucked up miracle he wins, the whole kidney or even half of it, I’m going to sue all my ex-boyfriends for their peens. That was the only good shit about them and I took care of their dicks more than they did. I washed them, sang to them, cuddled with them and kissed them goodnight and good morning. They belong to me.

P.S. – I totally want my wedding picture to look like Richard and Dawnell’s. It completely fits the theme of my fantasy late-80s wedding……even though this was taken in 1990. Hey, they’re from Long Island!

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