SJP Is Ready To Gallop Away!

January 7, 2009 / Posted by:

SJP has had it with Matthew Broderick’s lies, cheating and drama! Well, that’s what you deal with when you’re shacking up with a gay. And she also probably got sick of his fresh dick cheddar breath and constant use of jazz hands. Seriously, I picture Matthew Broderick using jazz hands for everything. When he says “good morning,” when he says “goodnight” and especially when he pops one. Actually, when he orgasms, he does the Rockette kick followed by jazz hands and a curtsy.

SJP is getting sick of all that drama queen shit, so she’s moving the fuck out of their big gay townhouse. That’s what Star Magazine claims anyway. Their sources said SJP has hired a broker and is looking for her own apartment. “Sarah’s not stupid. She knows exactly what’s going on. For a while it was easier for her to stay than go through a harsh divorce. They’re essentially living separate lives. They spent the holidays with him, pretending to be happy. SJP is a great actress when she has to be!”

I wish I could make a bitch about that “great actress” comment, but even I have to admit that her performance in Girls Just Wanna Have Fun was riveting.

Why does she have to move out?! Isn’t she’s the one who’s putting carrots and sugar cubes on the table? Besides, it wasn’t cheap to install that stable and trough in the basement. He should get his jazz hand-loving ass out of there and into a Chelsea studio with a small kitchenette like a real gay!

And it makes sense that Miley’s “first kiss” is with a homo dude’s chin.

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