Coke Isn’t Evil, Says Lily Allen

January 7, 2009 / Posted by:

We need to work on making Lily Allen a U.S. Citizen so that she can become our new Surgeon General instead of that TV doctor, because she knows what’s really good and bad for us. Take cocaine for instance? It’s not that bad! That’s what Dr. Lily claims. She opened up her rant trap again and defended the evil doer known as cocaine.

Lily said, “The only story is that drugs are bad and they will kill you – you will become a prostitute, a rapist or a dealer. But that’s not true. I know lots of people who take cocaine three nights a week and get up and go to work. But we never hear that side of the story. I wish people wouldn’t sensationalize it. Some people are just bad at taking drugs.

Lily should really teach a class in our grade schools about how to take drugs “the good way.”

I’ll admit that my nose has danced with the white fairies once or twice or a hundred times. Hey, it was the 80s! I was in kindergarten. It was the thing to do in the sandbox. Seriously, I dabbled with that shit and I’m not a dealer, a rapist or a postit…. Wait. Define “prostitute.”

And don’t mind Lily! It’s just the coke that’s making her babble. Throw a few lines her way, and she’ll shut it.

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