These Two Have A New Baby

January 6, 2009 / Posted by:

Jennifer Garner released a baby into this black-hearted world sometime this afternoon. Jen and Ben already have a toothy 3-year-old they call Violet.

Jennifer’s spokesbitch told People, “Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck gave birth to a healthy baby girl.” The bitch did not fess up a name.

I’m really hoping they name their girl something meaningful. I’m thinking JLo? Or maybe Fishsticks? Or maybe Band-Aid? Or SavaMarriage? And if they are going to keep with the flower tradition, they better pick a hot flower name like Baby’s Breath, Goldenrod, Honeysuckle, Morning Glory or Petunia.

But knowing these two boring boiled rutabagas, they gave her a memaw name like Rose, Ethel, Bertha, Gertrude or Myrtle. Oh shit. I really hope they named her Ethel. Nobody names their baby Ethel anymore! Come to think of it, nothing is named Ethel anymore. The next time you bring a baby, dog, cat, plant, rodent, cockroach, fish, homeless person or hooker into your home, you have to name them Ethel. The name must be kept alive!

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