Sam Micelli Is Engaged!

January 6, 2009 / Posted by:

Celebwhore relationships are like ass pimples. When you pop one, another one grows in its place shortly after. Yesterday, two Hollyweird couples went bust, and today another announced they are gettin’ married!

Alyssa Milano’s spokeswhore told People that she’s engaged to some Shrek-beast-type-man who goes by the name of David Bugliari. I shouldn’t say that. I’m sure he’s a wonderful person. And by “wonderful person” I mean he probably has a big peen. Although, it kind of looks like he has a hairy dick trunk. That’s what my peendar tells me anyway.

Dave is an agent at CAA. They’ve been dating for about a year. If they go through with this shit, it will be Alyssa’s second marriage.

Alyssa is only 36 (that still makes me feel old) so she still has time for her third, fourth and fifth marriage. And she’s also smart in the brains for marrying an agent. If you’re a has-been, you should either marry an agent, marry an Arab billionaire, leak a sex tape or humiliate yourself in a reality show. The first two are definitely your classiest options.

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