That Rip Torn just likes a little warm booze in his system while he goes Christmas tree shopping, but unfortunately Rip took the party behind the wheel. Picture this: 77-year-old Rip was humming along, driving in the breakdown lane on Route 44 in Connecticut with a Christmas tree tied to the roof of his Subaru! I’m hoping there was a sneaky forest animal with a digital camera, because that picture would make a beautiful holiday image. Hallmark would sell the fuck out of that shit.
Rip’s holiday fun times came to an end when he was pulled over by the cops. Don’t you just hate it when the police kill your buzz? E! News reports that the pepaw refused to do a sobriety test, because he said the ground wasn’t level. HA! I can hear him screaming, “The ground is moving! That’s not fair! It’s not right because the ground is moving up, down, back and forth! It’s like a wave!”
Rip was also driving without a license, because he lost his in 2007 after pleaded guilty to another DUI (that’s where the magical mug shot above is from).
Rip was charged with illegal operation of a motor vehicle while under the influence and failure to drive in the proper lane. He pleaded not guilty (because the ground was moving!) and is due back in court on January 28.
This is Pepaw Rip’s third DUI in the past five years.
I think it’s time Pepaw Rip keeps the good times at home where the floor doesn’t constantly move and the Werther’s Originals are a’flowin!
And I’ve got the sads, because we don’t have a new mug shot from Rip. I’m guessing it looks just like the one above, but he’s wearing a jolly Santey Claus hat instead!