The New Year’s Eve DUIs Start Early

December 31, 2008 / Posted by:

Charles Barkley and Doug from Trading Spaces did it all wrong. You’re supposed to get arrested for DUI after midnight tonight and not earlier! Way to celebrate New Year’s a little too soon. Idiots!

So, these two pair of shit brains were both busted for driving while having booze in the blood. Charles was caught early this morning in Arizona. TMZ says he was arrested on suspicion of drunk driving while going through a DUI checkpoint. The po po tested his blood at the checkpoint, busted his ass and then transported him to the jail house. He was released a little while later and nobody came to pick him up, because he took a taxi home. He probably went to the nearest bar…. Well, if you got arrested, wouldn’t you need a drink afterwards? I would think so.

Then there’s Doug Wilson from Trading Spaces. He was always my least favorite designer. The prick. Let’s face it, his art is fugly. Hildy wouldn’t pull this shit! Doug was popped early yesterday morning in Decatur, Illinois after he didn’t slow down to a police car with its siren on. The cop pulled him over and killed the party. Doug must have also brought the party with him, because in addition to being arrested for aggravated DUI, he was also busted for illegal transportation of alcohol and driving on a suspended license. He was later released on $1,000 bond.

I’m a little surprised that Doug was busted for driving drunk and not sucking dick drunk in a public place. I bet Doug and Vern always licked each other’s ass lips in the Trading Spaces wood shop van while Ty jacked to them.

You know, since I’ve been in California these past few days, I realized the main reason I live in NYC: CABS! CABS! CABS! You cannot booze to your heart’s content here unless you rely on some other bitch driving you home. It’s sad when you have to deny the alcohol at bars, because you know you don’t want to be driving drunk. Saying no to the booze really hurts me where it counts. In NYC, you just have to worry about telling the cabbies where you live while you’re wasted. That’s why you should always carry your address around with you to give to cab drivers. Oh and you also have to worry about barfing in the back of their car. I’ve done that a couple of times and for some strange reason, they don’t like it. Go figure.

Anydrunks, Happy New Year to Charles and Doug! Hopefully, they will spend their night getting tanked in the privacy of their own bathroom. And all of you should stay away from DUI checkpoints tonight. I hate those things! I get scared passing through them when I’m sober! I see a DUI checkpoint and I suddenly feel drunk and guilty even when I’m not. It’s like church all over again. It sucks.

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