Charles Barkley Just Wanted His Dick Sucked!

I never in my life thought I would want to party and do hood rat stuff with Charles Barkley, but now that’s all I want to do after reading this shit. So, Charles was busted for DUI in Arizona early this morning. According to the police report, when the cop pulled him over for running a stop sign, Charles said he was just in a rush to get his dick sucked! If I was the officer, I’d let the bitch go on his way. I’m all about hos sucking dick and getting their dicked sucked.

TMZ says the officer wrote in his report, “He told me that he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl I saw get in the passenger seat. He asked me to admit that she was ‘hot.’ He asked me, ‘You want the truth?’ When I told him I did he said, ‘I was gonna drive around the corner and get a blow job. He then explained that she had given him a ‘blow job’ one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had in his life.”

This explains Charles’ sweaty mug shot above. He was suffering from a bad case of blue balls. Now, if Charles’ ho was so skilled at sucking dick, she should be a master at road head. There’s no need to pull over! Any expert peen sucker knows just how to handle it without your head touching the steering wheel. A real pro can even shift gears while making out with the wang.

Charles’ comedy act didn’t stop there. At the police station, drunk ass Charles told one of the employees that if they got him out of the DUI, he’d tattoo HIS name on THEIR ass. Charles then laughed it off and corrected himself by saying he’d tattoo THEIR name on HIS ass. He’s a comedic genius. I think I’m going to tattoo Charles’ entire police report on my ass.

Because I’m a serious journalist, I did a little research on Charles and found that he’s still married with one kid. He’s also considering running for the Governor of Alabama in 2010. Let’s see: Charles is a gambling addict, was arrested for drunk driving, and will run a stop sign in order to get a little good head from some random trick. No need for election. It sounds like he has all the qualifications needed to become Alabama’s next Governor!