Tommy Wants More Scientolotots

Xenu no!! In an interview with The Sun, Tommy Girl says he wants to use Stepford Katie’s uterus like a Duggar’s to have 7 more tiny Scientologists.

Tommy’s peen hole must be sewn shut to keep the Scientolospermies from creeping out. This planet cannot handle anymore.

Tommy said, “I want ten children. I love kids. I feel really fortunate to have the teenagers and a two and a half-year-old. It’s a great dynamic.”

Katie’s going to get more action from a turkey baster than a real peen. When she’s at Crate & Barrel and spots the basters, she probably gets all excited and shit. What has become of our Joey Potter?

In the rest of the interview, Tommy Girl tries to come off as a real family woman who loves his wife. He says, “I’m a great parent. I want to be with my kids, and they get to do all the stuff that I wanted to do when I was growing up. My own father wasn’t there much for me and I want to be a different dad to my kids. My family is the most important thing in my life. Married life is very good, very lovely. I feel lucky to have Kate as my wife. She’s an extraordinary woman. She is funny and smart and she likes the same things that I do. She’s a very strong, gracious woman, and a great comedian.”

Katie is a great comedian?! Yeah, she’s a real regular Groucho Marx. The sad thing looks like she has the sense of humor of a….well…of a Scientologist! But I guess you have to be somewhat of a comedian to marry that big bag of dildos!

And of course Tommy wants more kids. How the fuck is he going to pay his lube and lingerie bills if he doesn’t have anymore kids to whore out?

Here’s the future Katie Holmes Duggar out with the world famous Suri Cruise yesterday.