Chyna Parties Like It’s Her Birthday

That’s because it was her birthday. Most of whores like to get completely obliterated on our birfdays, because getting old is pretty gross and depressing. Well, Chyna might have gone a little too far. TMZ says that Chyna was admitted into the hospital yesterday morning, because she over did it with the rubber chicken shots and it didn’t mix well with her prescription pills. That’s a problem.

Chyna threw a little birthday soiree at her home in Burbank and the paramedics were called at about 5am when friends found her giant ass passed out with cuts on her arms. She was immediately put on a forklift and transported to the hospital. I’m joking about the forklift part. They really used a tractor.

At the hospital, Chyna was so fucking wasted that they couldn’t do a proper psych evaluation on her. They had to wait until the bitch sobered up.

Chyna later told TMZ at the hospital that also she wanted was a “hamburger and fries.” Straight up, I know what she’s talking about. When you’re swimming in a big bottle of booze, the only thing you really want is a damn burger and fries. Sometimes you want a taco, but mostly you want burger and fries. Especially some fucking chili cheese fries with extra grease. Shit. Sometimes when I’m drunk I’m tempted just to ask the bitches at McDonald’s if I can stick a straw in one of their grease jugs and drink that shit up. Skip the middle man.

You know, I’m going to go ahead and blame all Chyna’s troubles on her Little Shop of Horrors clit. If Dr. Drew couldn’t even help her ass, then there’s a bigger issue here. The bigger issue being her evil roid clit. I bet you it tells her to drink more and to take more pills. It totally talks. Her “feed me” clitoris probably even told her to get it a burger and fries, because it was hungry.

And now I must go and get a burger and fries, because this post made me hungry. I will eat one (or three) for Chyna!