Anybody who calls themselves a Brangaloonie should punish themselves today by going to see Marley & Me, because they have failed one of their gods! They should have been protesting outside of movie theaters with help of (SPOILER ALERT) these posters! Because they didn’t do that shit Benjamin Button got his ass beat by Jennifer Aniston and her dog friend. HA! Marley & Me was the #1 movie this weekend with around $37 million. So far it has made $51 million in just 4 days. Benjamin Button came in at #3 with $27 million and a total of $39 million. Somewhere in the world Jennifer Aniston is texting Maddox with: “Suk on dat!”
I decided to go see that Benjamin Button shit on Friday, but only for Tilda Swinton. I would work the streets in a crotchless bikini made out of salami for Tilda, so I dropped $12 to support her ass. I should have left after her part and snuck into Marley & Me, because that shit was way too long. It was 3 damn hours! When my tub of popcorn ran out after the second hour, I knew I was in trouble. The story sort of reminded me of Forrest Gump. But Forrest Gump without the delicious box of chocolates! Instead of chocolate we got an old creepy baby.
What surprised me the most about this weekend’s box office is the fact that Tommy Girl’s big gay Nazi movie made $21 million! Not 21 dollars, 21 million dollars! The fuck?! There must be a lot of whores out there who really hate themselves. That’s the only reason I can think of on why a dumb bitch would spend their money on a 2-hour torture session. Either that or there’s a ton of crazy aliens lovers out there.
The weekend box office from Dec. 26th to 28th looked like this:
1. Marley & Me – $37 million
2. Bedtime Stories – $28.1 million
3. The Curious Case Of Old Baby – $27 million
4. Valkyrie – $21.5 million
5. Yes Man – $16.4 million
6. Seven Pounds – $13.4 million
7. The Tale of Despereaux – $9.4 million
8. The Day The Earth Stood Still – $7.9 million
9. The Spirit – $6.5 million
10. Doubt – $5.7 million