Kill The Blog

December 27, 2008 / Posted by:

Lohan-Noooooooooo! Hasn’t the internet been through enough?! I mean, 2 Girls 1 Cup, Cheetah Lady, (don’t click on this —->) 1 Guy 1 Cup (<---don't!), and now Michael Lohan’s blog!

Yes, the SamRo hating, penis-necked daddy of HoHan has built his own crackhouse on the internet so that he can “set the record straight.” I love how he’s trying to make things “straight” while wearing a turtleneck, fancy loafers and a cell phone clipped to his waistband. Very straight.

And in that picture above, why oh why couldn’t an out-of-control semi truck driven by his drunk daughter come careening around the corner to knock that cell phone out of his waistband. You know how I feel about that.

Michael Lohan says his new blog is not about HoHan or SamRo. His new blog is about GOD! But if SamRo or HoHan talk about him in the media, he’ll use his new blog to trash them right back. It sounds like even Inside Edition got sick of giving this asshole a soap box to rant on, so he’s taken his act to the internet.

Here’s a small piece from his first post. Remember, his blog is not about his daughter:

What this website will bring to you is the TRUTH! Facts, most of which can and will be cooperated.

I know a lot of people like to “feed the fire” and then hide behind a false name, anonymity or represent themselves as a “source,” a “close friend,” or an “insider.” But in truth, when it comes down to it, you aren’t fooling anyone but yourselves. Instead of looking from the outside in, you need to be looking within first.

It’s easy to point fingers and be judgmental. The hard part is looking in the mirror and judging oneself. So please keep these things in mind, before you comment.

Okay, so here we go…
Today, on TMZ, my darling daughter Lindsay was asked for a comment in response to me saying, “Samantha is on drugs!”

Lindsay’s only response was, “look at him!”

WOW! Linds, how forthright! Let me ask you; was it me who was actually pictured in the train station with a bag full of prescription drugs? Do you see me out partying with Lindsay, my other children or having raging wars with her? Was it me who jumped out of a DJ booth and punched Lindsay when she was with Calum Best? Did I drive Lindsay around for hours in LA until she fell asleep and before I ran low on gas only to call the paps and sell pictures to them? Uh uh!

And he’s dragging White Oprah into this! White Oprah better pull out her Hooters Mastercard and purchase WhiteOprah.org so that she can join the Lohan family blog wars.

I’m probably not enjoying Michael’s blog as much as I should be, because I’m sober. After downing a few bottles of Bartles & Jaymes, I’ll read this shit again and I’ll probably give him a standing ovation at the end. I will admit that the Bible verses are a nice touch. His blog is the definition of “fuckery!”

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