Asshlee and Pete are so much better than Brangelina! They don’t whore out their baby on the cover of magazines for some quick cash. Real talk: There weren’t any buyers and that’s the fucking truth. Papa Joe is crying in his favorite rubber bagina this morning because of this.
So Ass and Pete decided to post the first picture of Bronx Mowgli on Pete’s website. BMw Baby is probably always sleeping, because would you want to face the reality that your parents are a pair of saggy vaginas? No, probably not. He wakes up, sees them and goes back to fucking bed.
And if Ass and Pete really wanted to give their baby a meaningful gift for Christmas, they would’ve given him the gift of a new damn name. He will never forgive him for this. But hey, at least he has a valid excuse for everything! When he gets into trouble, he can just say, “It’s your fault. You named me Bronx Mowgli.” Point taken and filed.