Jacko Is Not Dying

December 23, 2008 / Posted by:

“Yooz a liar!” is what Jacko’s spokeswhore is shouting at the bitches who started the rumors that he was mute, blind and on death’s door. Ian Halperin, an author working on a Jacko biography, claimed Jackso was suffering from from Alpha 1-antitrypsin deficiency and needed a lung transplant.

Jacko’s official rep told People that the story is a “total fabrication” and “Mr. Jackson is in fine health and finalizing negotiations with a major entertainment company and television network for both a world tour and a series of specials and appearances.” This makes sense since tranny zombies don’t need lungs to breathe.

The best part is that Jacko’s “official spokesperson” goes by the name of Dr. Tohme Tohme. HA! Is he related to Dr. Bombay from Bewitched? Or maybe he’s one of Jambi the Genie’s shady ass cousins. I swear, Jacko always surrounds himself with hos who have the best names. I mean, Blanket, Bubbles, Majestik Magnificent, Louie the Llama and now Dr. Tohme Tohme.

By the by, Dr. Tohme Tohme probably lives in a fortune teller booth at Disnelyland, because he is not for real. Google him, you dumbfuck! You won’t find shit.

So you can breath a sigh of relief that Jacko is able to breath a sigh of relief.

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