Robert Pattinson’s magical forest has been mowed down! This tragic incident has left dozens of unicorns, fairies and toadstools homeless. They temporarily set up home inside Princess Zac Efron’s perfectly manicured dick bush, but it’s just not the same. I mean, the top of Robert’s hair doesn’t twinkle the way it used to.
There has to be a good reason for this. Maybe he donated his enchanted locks to scientists so that they can use it to find the cure for cancer or something. Or maybe Robert was getting sick of crazy fangirls pulling out his hair in chunks and then running away into the night. Yeah, probably the latter.
Here’s the unicorn abandoner arriving at Heathrow Airport this morning.