John Mayer Hates Jennifer Aniston’s Dog Friends

December 22, 2008 / Posted by:

Most dog owners have a rule that if you don’t become BFFs with their dog(s), then the fuck party must come to an end. It doesn’t look like Jennifer Aniston is one of those dog owners. Gatecrasher says that Jenny did not bring her dogs, Norman and Dolly, to NYC while she promotes Marley & Me, because John Mayer would probably strangle or curse them out. He apparently hates hates haaaates them. So Jenny left them in Los Angeles, probably because she’s dickmatized. And when you’re dickmatized, the dick rules all.

A source said that John even hated Jessica’s Simpson’s angel of a dog Daisy. There’s a special place in the toilet closet in hell for people who hate Daisy Simpson.

Jenny’s spokeswhore said the story is made of a million lies, but I believe it. John Mayer probably farts at anything that takes the attention anyway from him. When Jennifer brushes her teeth, he totally yells at her fucking toothbrush. He’s gross.

As a dog owner, I’ve never met a dude who didn’t like my dog. It’s mostly been the other way around. They like my dog better than they like me. They come over to hang out with my dog and leave me in the fucking corner like I’m a damn fern. My dog knows it too. He gives me looks like “Yeah, bitch. I got yo man!

I honestly don’t think I’d ever find a dude who liked me but didn’t like my dog. I mean, my dog and me are so much alike. We both are stupid lazy sluts who love bacon and are easily amused by rubber toys. If you don’t like him, you don’t like me.

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