Dreamy’s Arm Went Boom

Dreamboat Doherty has been missing in action lately. I figured he fell into a gutter somewhere or was mistaken for a corpse and accidentally buried with a funeral and everything. I never worry about Dreamy, because he is indestructible and will live forever. He’s got the lifespan of a damn turtle.

According to Holy Moly!, Dreamy has been busy making music. Basically, that just means he’s been smoking crack and shit. Basically. Well, Dreamy’s heroin fun times went a little too far and his arm kind of exploded from a burst artery or something. Dreamy immediately called the doctor, I’m assuming with his other hand, and the back alley medic man came right over to fix him up. But when the doctor got there, Dreamy was already prancing through the china white clouds, so he wouldn’t let the doc near him. The doc had to chase Dreamy around his house. He finally caught up to Dreamy and took him to the hospital.

Dreamy had go to the hospital, just because his arm exploded? I didn’t know he was such a lightweight. That shit happens to Amy Wino on a daily basis. Wino just shrugs, duct tapes her arm back together, puts a little spackle over it and gives it a crackie kiss. That’s how a real professional crackhead does it!