Jeremy Piven Is Full Of Mercury (And Shit)

December 18, 2008 / Posted by:

Is mercury like a new fucking drug I haven’t heard about. Like if you snort bad fish dust does it give you an amazing high or something? Because Jeremy Piven has dropped out of the Broadway play Speed-the-Plow because of mercury poisoning. Wait. Is that the new street name for coke? Seriously, I’m confused.

Jeremy skipped out on Tuesday’s show and yesterday’s matinee claiming he was feeling gross and sickly. Later on in the day, it was announced that Jeremy would not be coming back due to his doctor’s orders that he stop performing in the show immediately. The show will run until February and they will announce a replacement soon.

David Mamet, writer of Speed-the-Plow and other amazing plays, joked about Jeremy bouncing out of his show early: “I talked to Jeremy on the phone and he told me that he discovered that he had a very high level of mercury. So my understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer.

That wouldn’t be such a bad career move seeing as though he’s probably up anyone and everyone’s ass any chance he gets.

I was a little confused about the whole mercury thing, so I googled some shit and found that you can get it from bad fish. That’s what the douchebag gets for sucking on any dirty coochie that comes along.

Source: E! Online

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