On Monday, Vadge’s very own spokeswhore of a million years, Liz Rosenberg, told the world that Guy Ritchie got around $76 to $92 million for being married to a velociraptor with a nut cracker vagina. We all rejoiced and danced on our old Like A Virgin records. I’m joking about that last part. My Like A Virgin record is a prized possession. Only because my dumb fuck sister forged an autograph from Vadge on it before giving it to me as a present when we were kids. I framed it and everything! I found out a couple of years later she lied to me and committed forgery! Heartbreaking and illegal. Okay, I really found out last week.
Anyway, Vadge and Guy have issued a joint statement saying the settlement amount is completely wrong. Vadge said (with Guy’s nuts still in her claws), “We have tried to maintain a dignified silence regarding the details of our divorce for the last few months whilst accepting the obvious media interest. A misleading and inaccurate statement, specifically in relation to the sums of money involved, was wrongly issued to AP this week. The financial details of the settlement will remain private, save to say that both of us are happy with our agreement. Our primary concern, like any co-parents, is the care and well being of our children.”
Please, this shit was all planned out. Vadge was so angry that she started gritting her pussy teeth when everyone called Guy Ritchie “saint of the year” for walking away from her fortune. So in order to rain on Guy’s good guy parade, Vadge had her spokesbitch make that little announcement knowing that she would issue her own statement a few days later claiming the amount is all wrong.
Everything is so damn complicated in Vadge’s life! Fuck. She needs Neicy Nash and the Clean House team to visit her brains and get rid of all the damn clutter. I swear. She makes everything so damn difficult.
And if Liz is the one that fucked up, well, then we probably won’t hear from her ass for a while, because she’s being held in Vadge’s jail cell crotch. If you happen to walk by Vadge in the next few days, throw a few stale bread crumbs towards her vagina for Liz to snack on.