Tommy Will Be The Craziest Stage Mom Ever

December 16, 2008 / Posted by:

What kind of craziness is spewing out of Tommy Girl’s glory hole mouth today? Well, Tommy would absolutely adore it if Suri Cruise decided she wanted to be an actress. At last night’s premiere of that movie you don’t need to know the name of since you’re not going to see it ever, Tommy was asked by UsWeekly what would he think if Suri wanted to act, “I’d love it. I’d love it. Acting is … a great life to get to entertain people and create characters and stories.

Suri is already acting! The girl deserves a dozen Oscars for her riveting performance as the daughter of a crazy troll person with raccoon teeth. Honestly, Suri probably already has a team of agents, managers, stylists, publicists, acting coaches and blah…blah..blah… Since Tommy’s career is in the urine trough, he’s going to whore out Suri so that she can become the cash cow in the family. Mama Tommy will be the most insane stage mother. He’ll make that bitch Rocky from I Know My Kid’s a Star look like mother of the year.

Maybe it’s not such a bad idea. Suri was born to star in a remake of Small Wonder. I’m totally right.

Tommy went on to say that Suri is already talking, “Her vocabulary is great. The ones that we love are, ‘I love you.’ I love hearing ‘I love you, dada. I love you, mama.’

My mind would blow off if I heard Suri speak. She probably sounds like Shirley Temple speaking through a vocoder. Tommy is just being modest. Suri also knows at least 15 languages, can recite Dianetics from memory, can sing the Village People’s Macho Man on key (that’s Tommy’s favorite song) and can give you the current location of Katie Holmes. Tommy upgraded her software recently.

Here’s Tommy at the NYC premiere of that movie with Thomas Kretschmann last night. Oh yeah, Tommy has totally licked Thomas’ cheese strudel.

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