Sorry if that headline made your lunch creep up into your throat. Thankfully, I don’t get visuals, because I can’t picture these two vaginas doing anything past tickling or light petting. I still have no idea how they actually had a baby together. Pete’s lil’ soldier (that’s what they call it) probably accidentally slipped in Asshole’s hooha (again, that’s what they call it) while they were involved in an intense tickling game.
Pete Wentz wants us to believe that they actually fuck each other. On Howard Stern’s radio show this morning, Pete said that Asshole Simpson lets him stick it in her no-no every now and again. Please. That bitch is no Anal Ashlee. Pete’s the one who gets it in his assmouth. He probably uses Ashlee’s old nose to do it with.
Pete also said that their sex life is so amazing, “If we had been on this show last year, we’d probably be doing it in the green room right now.” They don’t do it anymore, because of Bronx Mowgli, but they do “other fun stuff.” The “other fun stuff” is probably playing Barbies and making cakes with their Easy Bake Oven. They might even play Operation together, but even that’s a little too much anatomy for them.
Pete said Ashlee gives the most amazing lap dances and loves to wear thongs for him. He said it took a while to convince her to bump snatches with him, but once they did, it was amazing. “It was at the Soho Grand Hotel [in New York City], and I’m looking in the mirrors, [thinking], ‘Oh my God, you are [sleeping with] the girl of your dreams, and you can watch yourself!’”
Pete’s been watching soft-core movies on Cinemax late at night again, right? That’s where he came up with all this crap to tell Howard.
And you know Papa Joe’s genitals exploded while he listened to this interview. Check your roof. Papa Joe’s blown off peen might be laying up there.
(Thanks Da Explora)