Survivor spoiler alert! You know, being a cunt is something that comes naturally. If you force it, it just doesn’t work. You can’t wake up one day and say, “I’m going to be a mega cunt!” No, you just are one. You’re born with a special gene. The cunt gene! Corinne from Survivor desperately wants the cunt gene, but she just doesn’t have it. During last night’s Survivor finale, Corinne submitted her application into the Cunt Club by trashing one of the finalists, Sugar, for crying about her deceased daddy.
Sugar’s daddy passed away from lung cancer before she went off to do Survivor and because of this, she cried all the time. I mean, all the time. When the wind would blow a different direction, the bitch would start crying. So I wasn’t really shocked that Corinne brought this up during the final Tribal Council, but even I cringed when she told Sugar, “The only thing I would vote to give you is a handful of anti-depressants so that no one has to be subjected to your constant crying. Maybe if you got some, it would seem a little more sincere when you are crying about your dead father.” And it was so fucking badly rehearsed! I’m surprised Corinne didn’t keep looking at her hand to see if she skipped any important disses. Corinne’s cunt rant was a major FAIL! When you look like a trailer trash version of Joanie Cunningham, it’s hard to pull off the whole Queen Bitch thing. Dumb whore!
I figured Sugar would get a few votes because of Corinne’s stupid ass, but she didn’t get one in the finals. Pepaw Bob ended up getting most of the votes and winning that shit! I secretly wanted Susie to take it, because that would’ve been the most random triumph ever. And I’m pissed off that Marcus’ floppy peen didn’t win fan favorite.
Here’s some of contestants during last night’s finale. Why do most of them look worse during the live finale? Most of these whores look so much hotter without the make-up, hair gel and extra chunk.
Sugar looks like a low budget Gretchen Mol. Matty looks like an overbaked female-to-male tranny. Randy looks like a serial killer on and off the island, so nothing’s really changed with him. And Bob still looks like he smells like popcorn. Seriously, whenever I see Bob, I suddenly get a mad craving for buttered popcorn.