December 15, 2008 / Posted by:

File this under: the suckiest news of the day. Our holiday wish that Rachael Ray will finally be silenced is not going to come true after all. Rachael was supposed to have throat surgery this week, but that has been canceled after Satan determined that her voice is needed to continue to punish the innocent people of this world.

Rachael’s pr bitch told People, “During the course of normal pre-op care, Rachael started an intensive new vocal therapy and it is now the opinion of her doctor that surgery may not be necessary. Rachael is very grateful that it won’t be a silent Christmas and thanks everyone for their prayers and well wishes.”

Fess up! Who prayed and sent well wishes? Whoever did, is a child of Lucifer.

Methinks Rachael needs a second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth opinion. She sounds like a cigarette-smoking trucker who just deep throated a penis made out of sandpaper. There is obviously something wrong in there. I will gladly spend 20-minutes to get my medical license online, so that I can give Rachael my professional and honest opinion: her cords need to be snipped ASAP.

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

alt="drupal analytics" >