Hef’s Teen Sons Talk About Monkeys

December 14, 2008 / Posted by:

Hugh Hefner’s sons Marston, 18, and Cooper, 17, gave an interview to Playboy about everything from having multiple girlfriends to taking over the family business to monkeys. Marston and Cooper’s mother is former Playboy Playmate Kimberly Conrad. They live with their mommy in a house on the grounds of the Playboy estate.

Before we get into that shit, why do they look like the broken condom babies of Hef and Shaggy from Scooby Doo? They are like sooooo long. I wonder if they are long down….forget it. Chris Hansen won’t get me! And my abuelita is probably fucking pissed because Marston is wearing her favorite Christmas party outfit. That’s seriously a memaw party ensemble.

Anyway, here are there thoughts on a bunch of shit. You can just skip on down to the part about monkeys if your eyes don’t feel like glazing over all this crap. The monkey bit sums it all up for me:

On dating multiple hos at the same time:

Marston: “I’m not going to have multiple girlfriends — not at the same time.”
Cooper: “I can imagine doing that. I don’t think it’s an odd thing to do. You date around to try to find a connection with some girl.”

On running the family business:

Cooper: “If I were to take over the company or have a say in what’s going on, I’d want the girls to be presented more as they were in the pictorials back in the 1950s and 1960s -— kind of artsy, classy. I would like to bring back that retro-class feel.”

On growing up in the Playboy mansion:

Cooper: “They don’t get it when you say, ‘There’s nothing to do there.’But when you live here and come here every single day, you see the same things. Anybody else would be like, ‘Let’s go see monkeys!’ But I don’t want to see monkeys. I’d rather go bowling than play with monkeys.

Um. I’d rather go bowling WITH my pet monkey. Okay, I don’t know that that means exactly, but it sounds kind of sexy. And I’m sure Cooper isn’t really talking about real monkeys or bowling. He’s talking about some dirty sex shit.

And it’s a good thing Hef’s spermies have retired, because if he had another son, he’d name it Mr. Belvedere or some shit. With Marston and Cooper, he’s already proven that he likes to give his kids butler names.

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