MARRIEEED? Noooooooo! Dame Elizabeth Taylor, friend to the gays, went out to dinner last night at The Abbey in West Hollywood looking like she was just wheeled out from the cast photo of Dallas. If anybody else was wearing this outfit, I’d immediately order them to spend a little time with the Fug Girls. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. But this is a legend we’re talking about! She could wear a “I Hate Spaghetti Cat” t-shirt and I would still adore her. I’d throw her a couple of side-eyes and lip smacks, but I’d still be one of her devotees. Besides, those pants look extra sexy on her and I’m not fucking being sarcastic.
You know, I’d gladly give up one of my internet porn memberships to be one of Dame Elizabeth’s best girlfriends. She probably tells the nastiest jokes. I knew a memaw like her who made me sound like a virgin nun. She also used to give me shit from her house when I said I liked it. Once I told her I liked some ashtray she stole from a Holiday Inn and she told me I could have it! Dame Elizabeth probably does that. You just have to pick up your Oscar, tell her it’s so beautiful and shiny….and voila! It’s yours. She’s perfect.
And when I become a memaw and need to be wheeled around, I really want that hot blonde chick to do it.