Why the fuck was Tommy Girl on The Hills’ after-show last night? Why the fuck does The Hills even have an after-show? Actually, why the fuck does The Hills even exist at all?
Only Satan knows the answers to these questions and he’s smoking a bowl with a Spaghetti Cat (he’s everywhere) right now, so we’ll have to ask him later.
Yes, Tommy Girl’s desperation led him to The Hills’ after-show last night to give marriage advice to Spencer Pratt. Isn’t that special? From one fake husband to another. When asked about what he thought about Heidi and Spencer fake eloping, he said, “If the girl wants the wedding, you gotta do the wedding. It’s a special occasion, and she’ll remember it forever. Spencer… dude… you’ll realize this later.”
Tommy forgot to advise Spencer to switch Heidi’s brain with a robot hard drive. Correction: just a slip a robot hard drive in Heidi’s head, because she doesn’t have a brain.
It looked like Tommy really wasn’t aware of Spencer existence, but I’m sure it was love at first sight. You could tell Tommy’s Scientolohole started chomping like a Hungry Hungry Hippo when they showed him Spencer’s pic. Fleshy beards really do it for him. Heidi better be ready to fight for her fake husband, because Tommy is going to make Spencer his next wife.
And here’s a few pictures of Tommy on MuchOnDemand yesterday. I can smell Tommy’s panty pudding from here. He’s pinching himself because he can’t believe one of his wet dreams actually came true.