A New Douchebag Anthem!

December 7, 2008 / Posted by:

The Lonely Island (Andy Samberg , Akiva Schaffer and Jorma Taccone) debuted their first single “Jizz In My Pants” on SNL last night and this shit sounds like it could easily be played at any Long Island club without so much as a bitch flinching. I can already see every dude on Hot Chicks with Douchebags seriously bumping and pursing his lips to this. And not in a ironic way either.

While watching it, a few thoughts ran through my hungover head:

1) WTF is Simon Rex doing on SNL?!
2) Oh. That’s just Andy Samberg channeling his inner Simon Rex.
3) I really need to brush up on Simon Rex’s jack-off porn.
4) I wonder if Samberg’s jizz is chunky or smooth?
5) You can say “jizz” on TV? REJOICE!
6) Justin Timberlake should really quit making music and become a full-time janitor. That shit is his calling.
7) Does my jizz face really look like I’m getting tasered while having a seizure? Must check in mirror next time.
8) No, seriously. Is that Simon Rex?!
9) I want to give birth to Andy Samberg’s babies and document their lives on a live feed. Samberg Baby Cam!

And I just know I’m going to get an army of side-eyes when I’m singing this song in line at the grocery store today.

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