Saint Angelina Jolie has knocked Reese Witherspoon off her golden throne and is now the highest paid actress in the entire universe according to The Hollywood Reporter. You know some bitchy ass alien is giving me the side-eye because she’s the highest paid actress on Mars.
In 2008, Angie’s movies including Kung Fu Panda and Wanted totaled $1 billion worldwide. She makes up to $15 million per movie.
I’m sure Saint Angie has it on her “To do list” to donate every last cent she’s ever made to the humans of the world. She’ll live the rest of her life as a peasant in some shanty town so that every person on this planet can say they’ve been touched by her kindness. Either that or she’ll use her fortune to adopt more kids and finally create a child army big enough to take us all down. Yeah, probably the latter.
The rest of the top 5 looks like this:
2. Julia Roberts
3. Reese Witherspoon
4. Cameron Diaz
5. Katherine Heigl
Wait. Stop. Hold up. Rewind. Put the phone down. Throw the pie away. Choke a kitten. KATHERINE HEEEIGL?! Katherine “makes me want to stick a knife in my peen hole” Heigl is the 5th highest paid actress in the world?! Okay, whoever is paying this ho to act in anything needs to be taken out back and beat with a tree branch by my abuelita.