When Knut was born, his skank mother rejected him, because she’s a dumb whore. He was raised by his zookeeper, Thomas Dörflein, and quickly became an international superstar. Knut was on the cover of Vanity Fair, had toys made after him and was the subject of several books and DVDs. Because of his fame, the Berlin Zoo’s attendance increased by 30%. Knut had it all.
Then he got older and had to bid farewell to his mommy Thomas. Thomas later died of a heart attack in his apartment.
And if that’s not bad enough, the Berlin Zoo has put Knut up for sale because they simply can’t afford to keep him. They say that Knut wants coochie and it would take $13 million to find him a female polar bear and build a home where they can do it in.
One of the head zookeepers said, “It’s time for him to go – the sooner he gets a new home the better. Anything else would be financially irresponsible.”
Er. Wasn’t it financially irresponsible of the zoo not to use Knut’s money properly? He made that joint millions! Now they are just putting him out, because he’s no longer young and cuddly anymore.
Poor Knut. We know how this is going to play out. He’s going to go off and get some floozy knocked up. Then he will turn to crack when the pressures of fatherhood becomes too much. Knut will whore around for a few years and maybe star in a couple of reality shows like Knut of Love. Then when it’s all become too much Dr. Drew will take Knut in and clean him up on “Celebrity Rehab.” Your typical child star story. Save Knut!