Which OC Housewife Is Leaving The Show Forever?!

I wasn’t home last week, so I didn’t get to see the first episode from the new season of The Real Housewives of Orange County. I watched both new episodes last night and it’s nowhere near as hot as The Really Not Housewives of Atlanta, but it’s a suitable distraction until Kim and NeNe come back into my life.

This season they added a new gold digger: 30-something Gretchen who is engaged to a wealthy old ass Kenny Rogers look-alike. Gretchen is a skilled gold digger who knows exactly how the game is played. She swears on her tacky diamond watch that she’s not just with him for his money and that she really loves him. She admits that she wasn’t really attracted to the rich pepaw at the beginning, but she slowly fell in love with his “personality.” I speak fluent gold digging talk and “personality” just means “checking account.” She’s my people.

As much as I could grow to love Gretchen for her “personality,” I wouldn’t shed an invisible tear if she left the show. Next week, one of the housewives says goodbye to the show forever. I doubt it’s Gretchen, but that’s my fucking wish.

Vicki can’t go, because she’s a bitch and she looks like Droopy Dog’s mom after a bad chemical peel. Her face makes me feel better about myself. Jeana can’t go, because her son Shane is fucking hot. Laurie can’t go because she makes me laugh until my penis farts when she tries to cry. Seriously, she bawls, but no tears come out of her Death Valley face!

The truth is, Laurie’s probably leaving the show. She’s going to say that she’s so busy and has to take care of her crackhead son. Blah. Blah. Blah. When in fact she just has to go away to get another face transplant. That’s the truth.

And there’s no way Tamra can leave. That show will crumble without her. She is my hands-down favorite ever! The clip below is just one reason why I adore her. When Gretchen says she’s been divorced before, Tamra asks her if she left her first husband because he was poor. I love that bitch!