Sean Avery Suspended For Being A Douche

December 3, 2008 / Posted by:

First of all, is it just me or does Sean Avery’s face look like it has fallen off a few hundred times and has been put back on using hot silly putty? Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way.

So…Sean Avery was suspended by the National Hockey League after he called his ex-girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert sloppy seconds.” Elisha is currently bumping it with Dion Phaneuf of the Calgary Flames. Sean, who plays for the Dallas Stars and used to be a Vogue intern, made the comments yesterday during a press conference before his team was supposed to play the Flames.

This is the shit he said: “I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about. Enjoy the game tonight.

The NHL will hold a hearing with the commissioner to determine what to do with Sean next. I say send the douche to work at the Summer’s Eve factory. He’ll do great work there.

The owner of Sean’s team said they would have suspended his ass if the NHL didn’t. “This organization will not tolerate such behavior, especially from a member of our hockey team. We hold our team to a higher standard and will continue to do so.”

That’s right! You can knock out a bitch’s tooth out with your head, but you can’t slag off a C-list actress! The NHL is only filled with the finest gentlemanly gentlemen!

I have a feeling this shit is not about him calling Elisha his sloppy seconds. It’s not like he called her a used cunt who likes to get donkey punched in front of toddlers. He only called her his sloppy seconds. Big deal.

The NHL and his team were probably looking for any little thing to get rid of him. When he made that harmless comment, they looked at each other and knew this was the shit they needed.

I don’t blame them. The clip below is Sean making the comment and his face is just begging to be beat with a bag of dildos covered in ass dust.

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