It’s Cheeto hillbilly week and KFed wants to get in on the action. Since Brit Brit is starting to look a little saner (sort of), KFed decided he needed to look even saner. In this week’s People Magazine, the perfect dad (*eye roll to the left and right*) talks about his life with Brit and in doing so, he made my eyelids heavy and my head drowsy. Seriously, you’re going to need a little speed shot with your coffee in order to get through this shit. I think I sort of fell into a slight coma at the end. You might want to have an adrenaline shot standing by.
I’ve picked out a few quotes that aren’t completely coma-inducing.
KFed on what went wrong with his marriage to our little Cheetoling:
It’s hard enough to be in a marriage, and then have a kid, then kids, it changes everything. For me, I’d become more concerned with my children. Not that I ignored Britney, but my kids are always most important … I mean, we were having complications. I didn’t give her an ultimatum, but I was trying to work stuff out with her, and she didn’t even talk to me or anything and went behind my back and filed [for divorce]. [I was] completely blindsided.
KFed on bitches thinking he only wanted custody of the kids for cash reasons:
My first question to [my lawyer] was, “Am I ever going to be able to see my children?” I told him that I would spend every last dime that I had to make sure that my children are okay. That’s all that mattered. I didn’t know how much power Britney had. That really scared me.
KFed on the night that Brit lost her Cheetos and was throw into the loony bin (awww, memories):
That whole night is a blur. You want to talk about one of my lowest points of depression, that was probably one of them. I was very, very worried for her ’cause I care about her. That’s the mother of my children. Just because I’m not in love with her doesn’t mean that I don’t love her. I’m definitely rooting for her. There’s nothing more that I want than for her to be in the best health and doing what she loves to do.
Yes, KFed! You’re the father of the millennium! Everyone should hand their kids over to you, because you do it best.
What pisses me off is that People didn’t ask him the most important question of all questions: will there be a follow-up to Popozao? It’s not like the bitch is doing anything, but eating (obviously). He can take the money he made from this boring ass interview and produce a sequel! And I’m sure he can channel some of that raw emotion he felt when Brit Brit divorced his ass to put together some extremely powerful.
People also should have asked him to name his other kids. You know, the ones he doesn’t get paid to take care of. He would’ve uttered a few dozen “ums” and finally just blurted out “POPOZAO!”