Blaaaake Effed Up Again

December 3, 2008 / Posted by:

The last time we left our crackhead heroes, Blaaaake vowed he was clean and Wino was laid up in THE CLINIC after she had a “bad reaction to medication.” It’s time to turn the page, because there’s a new chapter in the never-ending crack opera known as Blaaake’s and Wino’s life.

Blaaaake, who was released from the chokey early so that he could get treatment at a rehab facility, is going back to prison after he failed a drug test. In his defense, you could drain his blood, put kitten blood back in him and he’d still test positive for the bad shit.

After learning that he could be locked up until 2010, Blaaaake rushed to Wino’s bedside all dramatic-like and begged her to forgive him. Some person with information told The Sun, “Blake did a runner. He turned up in hospital and hell broke loose — everyone was totally shocked. He was asking Amy to forgive him. As he was going back inside anyway he felt he didn’t have much to lose.”

Friends of Wino say it’s a good thing he’s going back in, because she was just starting to get her life back on track. Well, except for that little crack seizure that landed her back in the hospital. Her friends must have forgotten about that small tidbit. A friend went on to say, “She had finally started stepping up divorce proceedings again but he started phoning again and getting inside her mind. Now he is out of the picture again she can concentrate on getting her life on track.”

This is the way things should be. Wino and Blaaaaake are star-cracked lovers and it’s meant to stay this way forever. If Blaaaake ever got out of prison, what would Wino scream about? She wouldn’t be able to say, “this is for my Blaaaake incarcerated,” before every fucking performance. That wouldn’t be right.

And you know that tomorrow there will be news that Wino is going to renew her vows with Blaaaake in a beautiful prison ceremony. Then the next day we’ll learn that she’s filed for divorce. The day after that she’ll remarry him in a touching online wedding. Rinse, repeat, the crack pipe burns on….

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