This Shit Is Impossible

December 1, 2008 / Posted by:

If Mary-Kate Olsen is fucking pregnant, then I better go to the vet, because I might have immaculately conceived a litter of Spaghetti Cat’s kittens. If that evil troll can get knocked up, anybody can.

Some obvious jokester told the National Enquirer (via PC) that MK is carrying the little troll child of boyfriend Nate Lowman. The joke-teller said, “Mary-Kate has been looking a lot rounder recently. It is good she has put on weight, because she previously suffered from anorexia, but a lot of people think she could actually be attempting to hide her pregnancy. She is really happy with Nate and is very excited they will soon be starting their family together

She apparently weighs 102lbs now. Yes, 102. What a fucking lard ass, right? If she weighs 102, she’s obviously pregnant with 4 baby elephants. Or maybe she drank too much of her own saliva? Either or.

I mean, I don’t even think she has baby making parts down there! Trolls don’t fuck! They get their kicks by rubbing squirrel bones together while chewing on wet bark. I refuse to believe this shit, until I see her posing with this on the cover of People Magazine.

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