Guy Ritchie Is Cursed!
Guy Ritchie may have broken free from the grasp of the evil harpy known as Vadge, but he has only fallen from the frying pan into the fire, as the full fury of her witch craft curse has decimated the set and actors of his new movie, Sherlock Holmes.
The crew (probably Jamaican witch doctors) claim the movie is cursed. It doesn’t take chicken bones and pigs blood to see that Vadge and her crotch of destruction are working their dark magic powers here.
Not only did his bad luck charm make his past movies bomb and his life a living hell, she’s bringing her evil sorcery in the form of pain and suffering to anybody associated with Guy’s movies.
First off, Robert Downey Jr was knocked the fuck out by Vadge’s glamoured minion, a 7ft wrestler, co-star Robert Maillet during a fight scene. A bean spilling cunt from the set said: “Robert was accidentally caught on the chin by a thundering hook. He went flying and was out cold.” He had to get a Sponge Bob band aid and six stitches put on the inside of his mouth.
Then Vadge threw a bolt of fire from the Heavens and tried to blow up Guy Ritchie’s dumb ass, but luckily Jude Law standing too close to him and his mole took most of the blow. It bounced off his enormous skin tag and struck a petrol tanker, thus making it explode in a fireball, causing them to flee the set and closing down production for two hours.
Guy might have thought he was out of danger now that he’s gotten his nuts back, but this isn’t so. Vadge’s roided-up punane is like The Ring. Once you stare into her black hole, you are cursed forever.