The Sanctity Of Marriage Is Alive And Well

November 28, 2008 / Posted by:

This week, two dick bags were on the cover of UsWeekly proclaiming that they eloped in Mexico! We all dry heaved and knew it was probably as fake as…well…as everything about their asses (and tits). The fake wedding ceremony wasn’t legal, because Twit and Twat never got a marriage license. Didn’t think they ever did. Last time I checked, it was not legal for a used tampon and a special needs pony to get married.

It just warms my no-heart to know that the gays can’t get married, but these two colostomy bags can use marriage to cash in and get a cover of UsWeekly! America is truly the land of opportunity! Oh and in addition to that cover of UsWeekly, their fake wedding and fake honeymoon will be featured in the fake reality show “The Hills.”

Spencer admitted that they aren’t really married, “Like other elopements that happen outside the country, we’ll take care of the legal details when we get home.”

Wait. They’re still in Mexico? QUICK! Close our borders to tampons with fleshy beards and special needs ponies with Tupperware titties! Better yet, somebody needs to pull a “Brokedown Palace” and slip a “mysterious package” into Heidi’s purse and then anonymously alert the Mexican authorities. I would love to see the “Heidi & Spencer rot in a Mexican jail cell” photo shoot.

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