Blaaaake Got Denied

Blaaaake was in court today to beg the judge to appeal his 27 month sentence. The crackhead got deeeeenied.

Let’s go off topic really quick. A couple of years ago, I was buying some shit at a store with a credit card and the cashier runs it and says to me, “Oooooh shit! Bitch got denied!” Just like that. It was so awesome, I wanted to get denied again just so I could hear her say that. Okay, it wasn’t two years ago, it was yesterday. And the store was TJ Maxx. Now let’s get back on topic!

Blaaake was originally sentenced to 27 months for for fucking up a bar owner and then bribing him with some cash to shut his hole about it. Blaaake has served 9 months in the chokey and was released this month to get treatment for his crack problems at a rehab facility. Two judges denied the appeal and said Blaaake must stay at the rehab facility. Blaaaaake said that he was “disappointed but not really surprised.”

The Crackie of Camden probably isn’t taking any time out from smoking crack to cry about this shit since according to The News of the World, she’s telling friends that her marriage done. She reportedly said, “It’s over. There’s no way back for us now. It was never going to last. We were only together for sex.”

Let’s just ignore that part about sex unless you want to ruin your lunch before you eat it. It’s like when my mom talks about how her “coochie itches,” I just have to take the phone off my ear and quickly think about rainbows and unicorns.

I won’t believe Wino and Blaaake are over until I hear it from the crackie’s mouth! They’re never breaking up for good. If they do, who will scream Blaaaaake over and over again? And if there’s nobody to do that, the world will spin a little slower.