Kim Zolciak Is Posing For Playboy

November 23, 2008 / Posted by:

Yes, you read the word “Playboy” correctly. Not Playpig, Playdoggy or Playraggedywiglover. PLAYBOY. Kim Zolciak, the wig torturer of “The Really Not Housewives of Atlanta” tells Paper Magazine that she’s going to pose for an upcoming cover of Playboy. If Hugh Hefner signed off on this, then he really just needs to go to his room, lock the door, put the phone off the hook and stay there! This shit is a punishment to humanity! This must violate the constitution in some way.

Does Playboy even have the money for this shit?! The Photoshop budget alone is probably enough to get this country out of our economic crisis. When my eyeballs drown in their own barf after looking at Kim’s nastiness in all its glory, I’m going to sue a bitch.

This might just be another lie coming out of her noise hole, because she also claims she’s a size 2. Take a big sip of Diet Rite when you read this shit below and if you can make it through the whole thing without spitting up at least twice, then you’re a strong person than me.

Kim said, “I’m actually 30, and [the controversy] is hilarious to me. In some of the clips there was a ton of makeup on me. In some of the footage I look like I’m 50 years old. I’m 30. I’m like a size 2. People tell me I’m so much prettier in person. TV makes you look so much different. I’m working on shooting a cover of Playboy. I guess 30 ain’t that bad.”

I’m starting to think that Kim’s brains shriveled up a while ago and her wig does all the talking and thinking for her. Kim’s wig is the one who is 30-years-old and a size 2. And hopefully her wig is the one who is spreading its titties and coochie for Playboy. Let’s fucking hope!

Visit Paper to read the whole interview. You’ll learn that Kim is the one who broke up with Big Papa and he’s estranged from his wife. Kim is no longer working with Dallas Austin, but she did get a recording contract. She also said this: “My singing career was not an accurate portrayal of me singing.” That wasn’t singing, Kim. That was a hungover seal getting water tortured.

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