Illeana Douglas was on Chelsea Lately or some shit talking about how she carries signs with important messages on them just in case the paparazzi are having a slow day and decide to take a picture of her ass. Well, one of her signs came in handy yesterday while she was having coffee with Cheri Oteri and Janeane Garofalo. Illeana takes that shit seriously. It’s typed and fucking laminated. That shit takes time.
Although, I know a homeless dude who would not approve of her sign. This dude likes his privacy. He’s always outside of my local Duane Reade and the two times I’ve made eye contact with him, he’s said, “What are you looking at, you fag?!” Both fucking times! So whenever I’m feeling very ungay, I’ll just skip down to the Duane Reade and let that hot homeless dude remind me of my ultra gayness. I can always count on him!