Bad Gordy

Gordon Ramsay has been cheating on his wife for seven years with a professional mistress. No, the professional mistress is not Sienna Miller. The News of the World claims Gordy has been fucking around with Susan Powter look-alike Sarah Symonds, author of “Having an Affair? A Handbook for Other Women.” Sienna is seriously slapping herself in the vag lips for not writing that book first.

Gordy and Sarah started doing each other on the down low in 2001, but lately they’ve been going at it often. Just this past Thursday, they apparently met up at the Marriott in London and Sarah brought poppers! A source said, “Sarah said Gordon had specifically asked her to go to Soho and get him some poppers for their romp. He likes the buzz.”

Poppers?! It sounds like Gordy likes to get his rump roast stuffed. That shit would make so much sense. The controlling angry ones always like to be dominated and shit. I bet his peen holes puckers when she whips his sphincter and calls him a “stupid donkey.” Shit, he probably gets all his material for “Hell’s Kitchen” from her.

Gordon has been married to his wife Tana for 12 years. They have 4 kids together. He was recently named Celebrity Father of the Year and his family was named Celebrity Family of the Year. Gordon’s spokeswhore only had this comment: “There is no comment to make at all.”

I guess if you’re going to fuck illegally, you might as well do it with a professional. I just don’t know how Gordon finds the time. The bitch has four kids, a wife, a million tv shows, a bunch of restaurants and he’s getting butt rammed by Susan Powter’s long-lost twin? No wonder his mug looks like it’s been hit by an 8.0 earthquake. The bitch is spent.

Gordon probably won’t be named Celebrity Father of the Year in 2009, but he’s a fucking shoo-in for Celebrity Popperhead of the Year!