To answer the question you’re thinking: no, I am not writing this shit from a jail cell in Nebraska! Okay, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way. The people of Valentine, Nebraska will sleep well tonight knowing that their windows will be ass grease free in the morning. The infamous Butt Bandit has been captured after making an ass out of himself for more than a year.
It all started in the spring of 2007, when people started noticing ass (and sometimes crotch) imprints on their business, church and school windows. His greatest achievement was leaving his butt print on every window of a hotel. The dude was able to leave his mark by rubbing Vaseline or lotion on his nalgas. He should’ve used Crisco with just a touch of KY. It picks up every little detail of your ass cheeks. So I’ve heard…
The Butt Bandit was caught by police early Wednesday morning massaging a window with his jelly covered ass. The cops wouldn’t give up his name, but said he’s a 35-year-old with an ass that just won’t quit.
Unfortunately, there isn’t a mug shot. It better be a double mug shot. I want to see both of his lips puckering. I mean, his butt should gets its own mug shot since it got him into this mess.
And when the Butt Bandit is out of jail, he should look into profiting off of his skills. I’ve seen a few ads on Craigslist looking for naked dudes who do windows. The Butt Bandit’s ass does windows, literally.