Saint Angie Rules The Celebrity Media

The New York Times ran an article yesterday on how Saint Angelina keeps her holy image by controlling the celebrity media. None of this is really OMGJAWDROPPING news, because we all know she’s a famewhore who can basically get what she wants with just a snap from her praying mantis fingers. But it’s interesting to read about her famewhoring at work.

When People Magazine handed over $14 million to Brangelina for the exclusive photos of the beloved twin messiahs, it wasn’t only about the money. Saint Angie wanted more. She wanted their soooouuuulllls. Basically. Before they shook hands, Saint Angie wanted People to agree that they would only show her family in a positive light. Not just for the twins issue, but also in the future (aka FOREVER).

Saint Angie also sent People a memo stating what she kind of coverage she wanted to see in the story. People had to submit some kind of editorial plan based on her requirements for the twins story before she agreed to go with them.

People also promised that they would never use the term “Brangelina,” because Saint Angie and Brad hate it. Good to know. If you’re ever near the holy family, just start screaming “BRANGELINA!” and then sit back and watch Saint Angie’s forehead veins pop in anger.

A spokeswhore for People said the Times source is lie-telling and that ” the magazine does not determine editorial content based on the demands of outside parties.” Oh, but Saint Angie is not an “outside party.” She’s always an “inside party.” I don’t know what that means exactly, but you know.

In 2003 when Saint Angie and Billy Bob split up, UsWeekly asked her for an interview, but she turned their asses down. But later a source said Angie told UsWeekly the exact time and place she would be out playing with Maddox in public. Of course, the pappies came out and Saint Angie ended up looking like a mother trying to have a private moment with her son, instead of a famewhore who manipulated the shot.

And when Saint Angie’s hypnotic vagina tore down Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston’s home, she immediately went on damage control and visited Pakistan so the focus would be on her charity work instead of her homewrecking ways.

Trevor Neilson, her philanthropic advisor, said, “People don’t realize the complexity of what Angie is doing. A lot of her charity work is done quietly and not in front of the media.”

To sum it up: Saint Angie is the famewhore of all famewhores and a media mastermind!

This is only the beginning!!!! In the near future, all of us will receive memos from the holy BRANGELINA (HA!) family stating what kind of thoughts we can have about them. Trust me, she can read our minds. The minute we start to think, “I like Jennifer Aniston,” we’re immediately moved to the top of the “eternity in hell” list.