Asshole Simpson and Pete Wentz’s Emo Baby decided to take his chances and finally come out, but he will probably regret that decision for the rest of his life! Asshole finally popped out a baby boy yesterday in Los Angeles after being pregnant for like 2 or 3 years at least! He weighed in at 7 lbs., 11 oz., and was 20 1/2 inches long and these two dumb fuck douche bags named the poor boy BRONX MOWGLI WENTZ. As if he didn’t have it bad enough with these two as parents, the big-tittied frog as an aunt and Papa Joe as his pepaw. BRONX MOWGLI? He’s probably already on his way to his lawyer’s office to file for emancipation from his parents. Naming a kid that is child abuse.
I mean, BRONX MOWGLI? First of all, his initials are BMW! Trust me. That wasn’t a coincidence. They just want free shit. Second of all, his short initials are BM. Third of all, the name Mowgli is already taken by that boy from “The Jungle Book“! I knew these short bus rejects would deliver a truly busted baby name, but they took the fucking cake, ate it, barfed it up and then ate it again.
A spokeswhore for Ass & Pete said, “Ashlee, Pete and baby Bronx are all healthy and happy, and thank everyone for their well wishes!”
Correction: BMW is not happy. Ass and Pete may think he’s crying, because he’s a little baby, but that’s not the case. He’s crying because his name is BMW and he already hates life!!! With a name like BMW, he can either be a low-rent neighborhood rapper or a low-rent neighborhood DJ.
Somewhere in the world, Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale has stopped crying over his name and is finally smiling, because someone has an even fuglier name than him.