Guy Ritchie Is Officially Free!

Guy Ritchie is probably feeling an unfamiliar itching down below this morning, because his nutsack has finally returned to him! Reunited and it feels so saggy!

A court in the UK declared Vadge & Guy’s 7-year marriage over in just a matter of minutes. It will take about six weeks of gross paperwork for the divorce to be finalized and official. Both Vadge and Guy decided to skip the court party today. She’s on tour in Philadelphia and he’s filming in Liverpool.

According to the papers,the two haven’t lived together for 6-months. Vadge signed a sworn statement saying that the reason their marriage failed was due to Guy’s “unreasonable behaviour.” She also said his bad behavior was continuing.

Unreasonable behavior? Eating a delicious cheeseburger is unreasonable behavior to her. Fuck. Disagreeing with her opinion is unreasonable. Shit. Having any kind of fun is unreasonable! She should have just wrote that he didn’t follow THE CONTRACT! “Contract, Guy, contract. You didn’t follow it.”

There were reports that Guy Ritchie told Vadge to keep her sweet money, but The Sun claims that isn’t so. According to their asses, Guy will get to keep his pub, the country estate and he will also get a cash payment of £25million (or $50USD after the conversion).

Last night, Guy told reporters, “It was never about money – never about her bloody art collection. I just wanted to settle it and move on. I didn’t raise any objections at any stage until she insisted the children lived permanently in New York.”

Now that they are pretty much divorced, can Vadge please give back the British accent?