Hand me my shank, some artist-type is fucking with our Crackie of Camden. Nobody fucks with Wino, but us! We’re the only ones allowed to make fun of her ass! Can you believe this shit right here? Artist Marco Perego created of a statue of Wino, dead in a pool of blood. There’s a statue of William Burroughs near her, carrying a gun. It is selling for $100,000. Good fucking luck selling that mess.
The hos at NYC’s Half Gallery said Marco made it as a tribute to Wino and Burroughs. They explained this shit: “In September of 1951, William Burroughs, playing a dangerous game of William Tell, shot his wife Joan Vollmer in the head and killed her. This sculpture is a re-creation of that event which is conflating timelines and literary history to create something that’s fantasy but is totally lifelike.”
Lifelike?! Wino hasn’t looked like that for years. The sculpture is too clean, too fat and Wino wouldn’t be caught dead (pardon the pun) with nails that shiny and new looking! She doesn’t leave the house unless her fingers are covered in crack dirt and ciggie smoke. And what the hell kind of GD outfit is that?! Is that Wino or a soccer mom? And I’m going to pretend I’m not looking at that Minnie Mouse mask. That shit should’ve been a box of ice pops instead.
There’s no need to get my shank. This obviously isn’t our Wino!