Dallas Austin Confirms The Obvious

The singing voice of this generation will never get a chance to share her beautiful gift on the world’s stage.

On “The Real Housewives of Atlanta,” mega producer Dallas Austin was helping Kim become the next Dolly Parton or something. There was always a problem though. First of all, Dolly would never put Kim’s stuffed animal wig on her head. Second of all, Kim has the voice of a dying wild boar. Dallas knew this all along, but he was apparently only helping Kim for TV. Wait. You’re telling me parts of reality TV are scripted and not real?! Next you’re going to tell me that Kim really is 30! Sorry, I will NEVER believe that. Even if you shove her birth certificate down my throat. I’ll gladly swallow it, shake my head and still say, “Nope. Tastes phony.”

Anyway, Dallas posted the picture above on his MySpace blog along with the message:

… THE “REAL” Housewife, Kim Zolciak, is NOT WORKING WITH ME —

WE ARE NOT DOING A SONG…

WE ARE NOT DOING AN ALBUM!!

*** JUST WANNA PUT THIS OUT THERE!!! ***

The CAPS means he’s fucking serious! And the *s means he’s very VERY serious. I got Dallas’ message loud and clear, but we all already knew this. The chunky loogie I spit up this morning has a better chance of releasing an album than Kim does.

On last night’s season finale (*TEARS*), Dallas called up Kim to tell her that she’s not taking this singing this seriously. He told her she had to quit smoking and start running 3 hours a day. He’s right. Her wig could use the exercise. It’s looking a little chunky in the mid-section.

And I love that at the beginning of the clip Kim is telling her nanny/assistant to return some stuff to Neiman Marcus and Gucci. What the hell is this low budget bitch buying from Gucci?! Her clothes look like they come directly from the clearance rack at Dot’s.